My heart cracked under the heavy burden and my sould fell weeping to the soaked soul below. My eyes formed streams and the dust clung to my lips and lashes. "Oh God, what have I done?" My mouth moans, "What have I done?" The light has grown dim to me, no joy will spark. Trembling and moaning, my body shakes with this grave grief. To live is a hell...what have I done? I am no more then a rough path to be troden, who could love? I am unworthy of any kindness and my soul knows this well. "If all knew what I have done... Oh the shame of what I have done..." The sky is rimmed with salty tears. Clouds crash among themselves filling this black sorrow with flashing anger. All around the world weeps of my deed. and my own cries out against all that I am. I have done this, I myself. None other.
My sin is lane upon his shoulders, killing him. That is my evil riding upon his head. That is what I have done, murdered God. Murdered his son. His blood is on my hands...I will never be free from this shame. On my hands is his death. He will die of the weighty sins I have thrown upon him. My selfishness, conciet, theft, lies, slander, stuborness, murder, lust, gluttony, hate...Oh, the sins on his pure shoulders. The grime and mire I have thrown upon his precious pure body. "God what have I done?"
Than his face gently turns to mine. He gazes down into the roots of my soul. he sooths my shuttering heart with his gentle touch, he wipes away the streams from my soul.
"Father, forgive them."
He gently lifts away my mirk, the black dirt of my past. The garbage laying at my feet. Picking up the piles of sooty sin he places it on his own shoulders. Freely he takes what is rightfully mine. He rips the devil's sharp claws from my soul and desperses my inequities as far as the east is from the west.
and He dies
for me.
"Oh God, what have you done?"
Wow, His love is so amazing! Does anyone else feel like sometimes you are so stunned by His precious gift that nothing you can squeak out is worthy to praise Him? Wow doesn't quite cover it... Other times, my guilt feels so heavy and gut-wrenching, I don't know if I can ever fully enjoy His love and peace. I know that I don't deserve to experience something so massive and incomprehensible. When the Holy Spirit opens our eyes to our huge mess, guilt is very natural, but can we bring more guilt upon ourselves by not understanding the depth of Christ's love and mercy? Our world has such a screwed up view of the Truth that it doesn't make sense that after everything I have done and will do, grace and forgiveness are still offered. But that is part of the beauty of Christ, the fact that He is so far beyond our comprehension and we are so undeserving of any form of mercy, especially from our Creator, yet He still loves us! Isn't that enough reason to live solely for Him?
ReplyDeleteWhen I read the post I didn't know what to say! I have many times where I feel, no not feel, I HAVE failed Christ, but then some how He gives me this feeling of forgiveness. (That is after I ask for forgiveness :)) Those times bring tears to my eyes. When I read the verse where it talks about how Jesus was crushed for our sins and pierced for our transgressions. It made me feel SO unworthy of his love.
ReplyDeleteWhen the times come where I don't feel like living for Christ I always remember that He paid for me and my sins with his life. So what sacrifice is to big for me to make for him?
Even when it comes to the little things like raising your hands in worship, I remember that if I don't do it because I don't want people to think I am weird then I am denying Him. The Bible says that if we deny Him, He will deny us before his father. That crushes me to think that many times I have denied Christ, yet He STILL welcomes me back to Himself. How can this be? (it is to much for my brain to comprehend)
Wow, I totally agree with Wynter, I didn't know what to say after I read the post. I'm often in awe about how much He has done for me and loves me even though I continually break His heart. I feel so undeserving of His mercy and grace. I can only hope of one day giving back to Him for what he has done for me.
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